Rebellion!

I sometimes wonder when it's going to be my turn to rebel. I'm not for one minute attempting to imply that I was the perfect teenager, I'm sure my family would soon see to that(!) but, I've never gone off the rails, never done the things that could be categorised as such.

I do sometimes wonder why. As with many Christian teenagers, I was the only one in my different groups of friends that went to church, so that immediately made me different. I then, of course, went through the whole 'not drinking' conversation a million times, occaisionally just using a feeble excuse like 'I don't feel like it', but usually, maybe stupidly, telling the truth - how boring!

It's not like I was a hermit. I went out. Stood, while everyone else did what they did. I went to the meals, parties, the sleepovers, went on school trips to London (living in the North, that was a big deal!), went abroad with the orchestra I was in and was often completely surounded, yet, I never made that choice.

As I grew older and went to uni, being a fresher was probably one of the best and yet hardest times. That's what freshers do, isn't it. Away from home. Independance. Rebel. Do what you like. Yet, because I made my stand from the beginning, there was never really the chance to undo that. Not that I really wanted to, but there's times when you are judged more so because of what you don't engage in, than what you do.

Now, I guess, it's less of an issue than it has ever been. I was involved in a discssion about morals this week and I commented that sometimes I think my 'morals standards' are too high. I was challenged to keep them as such - apparently being held in high esteem because of that.

Sometimes I think it would be brilliant to let go of everything, not even that I think I'd enjoy it, but just for the experience. But deep down I know that it just wouldn't be me.

I wonder how I made it through the other end, sometimes. I wonder how I've still got friends, I must drive them mad! I wonder if I made the right choices and whether there'll be a time when I don't.

And I pray for the children/people who are going through that today. Who are making a choice and standing out from the crowd. It's hard. In fact, no IT'S HARD. Harder being excluded and watching from the side lines. Harder, yet somehow, for me, right.

Thank you God, for keeping me strong. Please don't leave me now!