People often blog about judgements and how they think they are perceived. This is kind of another one!
I think I come across as a confident kind of person who doesn't really worry about what people think. That doesn't necessarily mean I am, but we all have a 'public persona'. Ultimately we want to be liked, but we never truely know what people think about us.
Today three people were very honest to me. One over the phone, two face to face. Over the phone was my Mum. For the first time ever she is proper missing me. I only left this morning, and she normally misses me but apparently today she is MISSING me!
The other two, face to face. One told me I am a person of integrity. Well, they think I am! I've never been told that before. I've 'googled' it to see what it actually means:
'One is said to have integrity to the extent that everything they do and believe is based on the same core set of values. While those values may change, it is their consistency with each other and with the person's actions that determine their integrity.'
or
'1. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
2. The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
3. The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.'
Wow. Not really sure what to say about that....opinionated, but in the nicest, possible sense?! Maybe that's how I look at it!
The second face to face comment (which actually came first!) was someone simply saying, with integrity(!) "...because I care about you", and repeatedly at that!
Again, wow!
Why do we find these kind of comments hard to take? Sorry, why do I find these comments hard to take?
How can I believe that someone really thinks I have integrity - particularly when I have to look it up?! Do I really? How did I 'get' it?!
And even more than that, how do I accept that someone cares for me enough to make it so clear. Cares enough to say, looking in my eye, "Listen, I have to say this........because I care". I can't quite accept that. Get over that. Take that in.
What did I do to make these people feel like this? Think this? Did it just happen? Has it built up over time? How do I maintain those characteristics? If I'm not aware of what I did how will I know?
And will they change their minds? If I am so unaware of how these views were created, how do I make sure they don't change their minds?
How has something so nice (horrible word!) made me feel so scared and insecure???!!!
1 comment:
You are who you are Dawn, and you don't have to practise being the person you are, or being mindful that it might go away. Your characteristics have developed over your whole life, inspired and nurtured by the people you've been around (your upbringing).
Don't be scared, it's OK isn't it?
As for people saying they care about you, the question is, do you care enough about them to care whether they care for you or not? That comment would matter to me coming from some people but not necessarily others.
I try not think about things too much (and fail) as I find it makes life in general a little easier to manage.
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