Wrong and Humbled.

Wrong and Humbled.



When I was growing up, I remember my Mum and Dad telling me about a friend of theirs, in the years before we were born, at the army who, was the only Christian in her family. Life was hard and would be occasionally found at my parent's house, hiding out, taking refuge, talking things through, when things got tough.

The pain that was felt at those times must have been dreadful, to simply have nowhere else to go and no one else to talk to. I vividly remember feeling pity for the person, even though it was well before me, but in a smug, proud kind of way, that such a situation would never arise with me and thinking how lucky I was that I had a loving, Christian family, who would never attempt to restrict my 'access' to God, in fact, quite the opposite.

Recent events have brought this situation back to mind and I feel complete guilt for those naive thoughts, that were totally unfounded and, yes, built on pride. It's incredibly hard to carry 'stuff' alone. Everyone has their limit at which they need to let go and the point at which they can't take anymore...and I am beginning to realise that more than ever.

Tonight, as we ended Worship band, we sang the song published above. An amazing song at any time, but tonight, I sang with sheer desperation to get the words out, yet emotion and the tears that came alongside prevented any vague recognisation of the words:


You go before me

You shield my way

Your hand upholds me

I know you love me


And when the earth fades

Falls from my eyes

You stand before me

I know you love me

I know you love me


I can't handle much right now. Weakness shows in many ways and there are limited ways in which to turn. And I am ashamed that I now find myself in a position that I criticised. As I leave a path of destruction as I walk towards a mid-point in my journey, I cling onto those unsingable, as yet, words that God is already there before.....and I know he loves me.